summer here is winding down into the hurricanes of fall- we await a storm brewing in the gulf on the anniversary of Katrina- but at the moment the blue sky is breezy and birds are flying steadily west. seasons roll on and the discoveries and ephiphanies continue. I saw a quote this morning- the snake who will not shed his skin is condemned to die. how fitting as the earth turns toward the deeper pull of autumn- the glare of summer subsiding into the introspection of fall, and my journey within taking me ever deeper into the labryinth within myself. I've found the catacombs, after some missteps- the places where I buried some of my shattered desires, the graveyards of hope and the reservoirs of deferred dreams. the truth is you have to leave the theoretical, intellectual ivory tower behind and get dirty living. relationships are the best catalyst- there is no hiding from the old wounds and broken places other people trigger in you. love is the process of dying to yourself- love that old Cuban proverb- and there is no escaping what being in love does to your illusions and your safeguards. it hollows you out to fill you up, it highlights your darkest fears and it leaves you open and raw to every wind that blows past you. especially when it ends in an unexpected way ( not that any death is expected, but some processes are more apparent) and leaves you and your intuition dazzled and burned by the bright phosphorescent light of truth.
then you have a decision- remain in ashes, mourn the flames, or rise like the phoenix into the beauty of what is being born into the world through you. I think many people spend ages awaiting some act outside of the impetus of their own soul, some courage from a force of nature to blow their way and gift them with rebirth. but rebirth only comes from within, and giving anyone else the responsibility or the power inherent within us is a detour at best . Being deeply in love is giving away a vista- a horizon that you hold to be true in your own heart and soul. but it isn't a transfer of what compels us, it isn't the responsibility being shifted onto another's soulful path. we lose our vision in believing that anyone else is accountable for our destiny. we can infuse our journey with another's essence but we must remain faithful to our soul's passions and evolution. forging our path from what speaks from most deeply within. and this magnetizes even more love and adventure into our experience- and keeps us away from fear and the paranoia that rules so many romantic interactions.
my travels - literally and soulfully, this summer- were all around mountains and their beauty. inside I scaled a few summits and rediscovered vast territories. I went to many sacred and beautiful spots and swam in waterfalls, sat in fields of wildflowers, did yoga beside high altitude lakes- all healing, cathartic moments. Infinite grace flowed into parts of my heart that had been scorched by heartbreak and loss. I saw the same words come into my sight again and again- whatever you lose comes back in another form. receive it, allow it, let if flow, let it go. I came home to a lovely house, a sweet puppy, and a handsome little man whose melted chocolate eyes and copper glow make my breath catch. the hurricane has come and gone, and there are thousands off of my shore- but what is real is never threatened, and there is truly never anything to fear.
