Thursday, January 12, 2012


I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path - Dalai Lama

January is a peculiar month. The first week spent in furious or ecstatic resolution then the inevitable frustration when the previous reality sets in. I vowed not to make resolutions (which I suppose was a form of resolution in itself) then decided I needed a list of possibilties that I would love to see come true in 2012. Indulge me, i wont share them all (they add up) but there are a few that I keep thinking about, and planning in my's a lovely process and I encourage anyone to try it. More than anything, it gives you positive things to ruminate about as opposed to the usual laundry list of problems big and small. Why not daydream about delicious, titillating prospects? I am beginning to understand that the more I take care of my interior, my soul, my spirit, my feelings...the more I can believe in myself and the ways in which I can sucessfully navigate my world. It sounds simplistic to say that joy and bliss are inside-out phenomena but the truth of that is driven home regularly to me lately. No external can subsitute for housekeeping of one's psyche and for the eternal reaching into the recesses of the soulful, tender part of our existence. We do so at our own risk- and if you feel opaquely grey and somewhat lost (it happens, it happens) this is a good time to knock the dust off of those dreams and get moving. Inspiration is always readily available if you keep the searchlight on within. The world can be quite effective at degrading and eroding our defining passions, but tuning out those less than encouraging voices and focusing relentlessly on what you feel you want is vital. Really, what is this existence but the opportunity to find what makes you come alive, thrive, shine? That deserves true resolve. True grit!
much more travel--and not necessarily too long as I'm rambling, exploring, adventuring
live music, plays, symphony,dance--love the cello, love musicals and acoustic music. never get enough.
optimum health--it's long overdue. hot yoga! walking for miles.
church in some form--I think I'll haunt the cathedral. I went the other day and it made me feel positively ethereal. I'd go to Temple and the ashram, too. Any and every path to spirituality.
meditate, meditate, meditate. why is this so difficult? the results are amazing. and it's simple as pie.
helping out--I need to remind myself and my kiddo how lucky we are. there are so many ways to donate time and effort to worthwhile, humane (and canine) causes.
family time- I really miss my dad, my grandparents, my cousins. need to make time for visits.
knitting and embroidering- my grandma taught me these hobbies and I haven't used them in ages. shame!
learning to cook new things in even healthier ways
a new language! Im thinking arabic
revamp the casa (it so needs it) lots of painting
a HUGE garden. huge. veggies, herbs, flowers. BIG.
yoga certification. in kundalini. I'm so ready to teach once I hit my stride.
writing in this blog all the time. until my fingers cramp. :)
I just re-read Ashley Judd's memoir and some Christopher Hitchens (RIP) and I'm struck by the similar tones in the epilogues. They have rituals for healing, for inspiration, for motivation. I am looking to create my own rituals with my son and my people. I don't want to sleepwalk through my life. I've achieved so many things and it has only made me more determined to continue to ascend and to enjoy every moment that flows my way. I want to build a gorgeous vista within.

Monday, January 9, 2012


happy new year to all--may you feel fresh in your path. I took some pretty drastic steps in 2011, it was definitely a banner year. lots of accomplishments wrapping up and decisive moves. yet, as Osho wrote, new peaks appear instantly, new heights begging for attainment, and I find myself resisting the inertia of basking in the afterglow of these milestones and walking swiftly on. I reminded myself, staring at the beautiful full moon last night, that is was vastly important to slow down and proverbially smell the roses (I sniffed my big rosemary instead-a much headier smell) because I always have the tendency to rush on at warp speed. It's almost a disease-processing things at such a fast pace that I lose the feeling, the accompanying sensations. And so much is always happening that it can be like that wack a mole game (do they still make that game?) where you are relentlessly pounding the moles as they surface, one after the other, bam bam bam. Sometimes, you have to put down the mallet and take a stroll.
And nowhere is this more apparent than in love. Or perhaps I should say relationships- the application of the emotion. We fly through the breathless beginning, propelled along by pheremones and expectations, setting higher stakes and taking bigger plunges (if things go well). Somewhere along the way we may begin to take it all for granted and lapse in our archealogical exploration of the other person. Indeed, the relationship becomes its own entity and you begin to focus more on that than your partner. You look to it for nourishment instead of your soul. You lose the thread of connection. I think it happens more often than not. It's beyond important to examine the soul of your interaction and check in with the other person on that level. I feel like my love and I came back from a precipice-after looking over the edge and contemplating another route! all of that being said nothing feels quite as lovely and thrilling as a love renewed, rekindled. I feel like the winner of a very special lottery. I thought I knew love before--but it's not falling in love that is the most amazing feeling, its staying in love, finding new inroads to the deeper places, getting to know someone ever more profoundly. It makes life very beautiful. And I don't think I could be any more grateful or any less afraid. Which is the absolute best way to begin a new year.
Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old. -Emerson